Topic

Corruption is the mother of all evils in our society

đź“„ Original Essay

Introduction Corruption is a menace that tarnishes the foundation of a society. Nothing seems to hamper the socio-economic development and political progress of a country more than corruption. Unfortunately, in Pakistan corruption has become a cancer whose vicious cells are increasing exponentially and weakening the social fabric of the society. Its ubiquitous manifestations are horrendous. Abysmal economic growth and loss of legitimacy of institutions are the prominent impacts of corruption. Likewise, poor public infrastructure and stark economic inequalities are also a product of corruption. Shady business deals are running rampant and transparency is abysmally low. However, several reasons have drowned the country into the sea of corruption. Some of them are poor governance, absence of transparency and lack of accountability. Moreover, political bureaucratic nexus and outdated official modus operandi also worsen the situation. Hence, these factors resulted in further propagating corruption in the roots of the society. In order to eradicate corruption, important steps are needed to be taken. Otherwise, Pakistan will remain in the hot water of corruption dilemma. Firstly, corruption severely hampers economic growth, perpetuating a vicious cycle of stagnation and inequality in the country. According to Anti Corruption Cell, there is about 8.5 trillion loss of economic growth due to corruption. Likewise, the unprecedented level of corruption is destroying the developmental foundation of the State. Precisely, it can be said that corruption tarnishes the social fabric of the society which results in increasing unemployment rate and tax evasion. Moreover, burgeoning inflation in the country is also a product of corruption. Inflation is caused when the demand for certain goods rises. In Pakistan, an increase in the demand for foreign currency shoots up, the local currency is devalued. According to Transparency International, from 2008 to 2021, the black money obtained from corrupt practices laundered abroad in the form of a dollar. Thus, black money that was laundered through illegal channels is responsible for recent inflation. Further, corruption is a global dilemma that cannot be particularized to a specific community, however, studies indicate that the phenomenon is much more prevalent in developing or post-colonial states. Hence, Pakistan's existence is alarming. Transparency International statistics show that the country ranked 140th in the Corruption Perception (CPI) in 2022. The major sectors breeding corruption in the state are police, judiciary, taxation and local government. Among all these, the police is the most corrupt sector (30%) followed by public tendering (16%) and judiciary (13%), National Corruption Perception Survey 2023. To conclude, it is stated that corruption lies at the heart of Pakistan's multiple challenges. The state must begin to see transparency as a right and not a favor to the nation. The dire need of the hour is to hold the political, social and bureaucratic elite accountable. Similarly, religious education and research should be strengthened to make the youth morally and ethically strong. Although the suggested policy measures cannot bring change overnight, the challenge must be accepted. Progress will likely be frustratingly slow, but these steps will ensure accelerated and visible improvement if executed properly. Thus, by collaborating efforts of concerned authorities, Pakistan can build prosperous and equitable future for generations to come.
Word Count: 650

Evaluation & Score

Overall, the essay contains frequent subject–verb disagreement, article errors, punctuation faults (comma splices, missing commas after introductory phrases), incorrect capitalization of proper nouns and institutions, hyphenation errors, misspellings, and inconsistent treatment of abbreviations and figures. These issues undermine clarity and reduce the formality expected in a CSS essay.

Issues Found (25):

1hyphenation
Before: socio economic
After: socio-economic
Compound modifiers before nouns require hyphenation in formal writing to avoid ambiguity.
2hyphenation
Before: anti corruption
After: anti-corruption
Standardized hyphenation is required for compound modifiers, particularly common terms like anti-corruption.
3article usage
Before: Pakistan, to remain in the hot water of corruption dilemma.
After: Pakistan remains in the hot water of the corruption dilemma.
The original is a fragment and lacks the definite article 'the' before 'corruption dilemma.' Converting to a complete clause with correct article usage resolves the error.
4currency specification
Before: 8.5 trillion of economic growth
After: Rs 8.5 trillion in economic output
Quantities must specify currency and use the correct preposition 'in' rather than 'of' to indicate magnitude.
5possessive/apostrophe
Before: According to Transparency International report from 2008 to 2021
After: According to Transparency International's reports from 2008 to 2021
Use the possessive form to indicate ownership and pluralize 'report' because the time span implies multiple publications.
6capitalization
Before: corruption perception (CPI)
After: Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI)
Proper nouns, formal index names, and acronyms require correct capitalization and full titles.
7subject–verb agreement
Before: Transparency International statistic its show that
After: Transparency International's statistics show that
Plural 'statistics' takes a plural verb 'show' and the possessive resolves 'its' misuse.
8comma usage
Before: Among all these the police is the most corrupt
After: Among all these, the police are the most corrupt
Introductory phrase requires a comma. In British/Pakistani English, 'police' is treated as a plural collective noun.
9preposition
Before: conducive corruption
After: conducive to corruption
The adjective 'conducive' takes the preposition 'to'.
10spelling
Before: ligitation
After: litigation
Correct spelling required in formal writing.
11spelling
Before: predominate features
After: predominant features
Use the adjective 'predominant' rather than the verb 'predominate' in this context.
12article usage
Before: In the same manner, government should digitize
After: In the same manner, the government should digitize
Definite article is required before a singular countable noun when referring to a specific entity.
13spelling
Before: esndite
After: expedite
Correct spelling improves clarity and professionalism.
14word form
Before: identity the tax evaders
After: identify the tax evaders
Use the verb 'identify' rather than the noun 'identity'.
15gerund/participle
Before: by adoption new technology
After: by adopting new technology
Use the gerund form after prepositions.
16number agreement
Before: for speedy trial
After: for speedy trials
Plural 'trials' is standard in judicial contexts when referring to the court process generally.
17contraction
Before: Likewise, it's important
After: Likewise, it is important
Avoid contractions in formal academic prose.
18hyphenation/comma
Before: corruption free fair society
After: corruption-free, fair society
Compound adjectives should be hyphenated and coordinate adjectives separated by a comma when appropriate.
19comma splice
Before: Further, corruption is a global dilemma that cannot be particularized to a single nation however, it has severe implications
After: Further, corruption is a global dilemma that cannot be confined to a single nation; however, it has severe implications
Use a semicolon (or full stop) before a conjunctive adverb to avoid a comma splice.
20capitalization
Before: Pakistan Bureau of Statistic Reports
After: Pakistan Bureau of Statistics (PBS) reports
Correct the proper name of the institution and add recognized abbreviation if used later.
21word choice/tense
Before: has born a cause
After: has been a cause
The past participle of 'bear' in this sense is 'borne'; however, the idiomatic construction here is 'has been a cause' or 'has given rise to'.
22article/comma
Before: by the collaborative efforts of concerned authorities Pakistan can build
After: By the collaborative efforts of the concerned authorities, Pakistan can build
Add definite article and a comma after the introductory prepositional phrase.
23terminology
Before: Corruption Perception (CPI)
After: Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI)
Ensure official terminology is accurate for credibility.
24word form
Before: economical foundation
After: economic foundation
'Economic' relates to the economy; 'economical' means inexpensive.
25comma usage
Before: Despite the dreadful corruption statistics in the country and all negative implications there are some reasons behind it.
After: Despite the dreadful corruption statistics in the country and all their negative implications, there are reasons behind it.
Comma needed after a long introductory dependent clause; pronoun 'their' clarifies antecedent.

Positive Points:

  • Consistent use of serial commas in some lists within the outline.
  • Appropriate capitalization of proper nouns in several instances (e.g., Supreme Court, UNICEF).
  • Quotation punctuation around the concluding epigraph is correctly indicated.

Suggestions:

  • Read each sentence aloud to catch fragments and run-ons; ensure each sentence has a clear subject and finite verb.
  • Standardize hyphenation for common academic compounds (e.g., socio-economic, anti-corruption, policy-making).
  • Use semicolons to separate closely related independent clauses when conjunctive adverbs (however, therefore) are used.
  • Avoid contractions and colloquialisms to maintain formal register.
  • Create a personal proofreading checklist for articles (a/an/the), subject–verb agreement, and prepositions (e.g., conducive to, responsible for).

Essay Structure Analysis

Introduction & Thesis

Clear Thesis Statement
The thesis that corruption is the 'mother of all evils' is implied but not explicitly and precisely stated in the introduction. State a direct, arguable thesis specifying scope (economy, institutions, social fabric). Include guidance: 'This essay argues that... because...'. Actionable improvement: open with a one-sentence thesis that previews two to three pillars of argument.
Engaging Introduction
The introduction gestures at the gravity of corruption but lacks a compelling hook (e.g., striking statistic, succinct definition). Improve by opening with a precise, sourced data point or a definition from a reputable body (e.g., World Bank) followed by context and thesis.
Background Context
Limited context is provided (general references to Pakistan), but key definitions (forms of corruption, scope) and temporal context are thin. Add a brief background framing: prevalence, institutional landscape, and why this matters now (e.g., CPI trend).

Body Development

Topic Sentences
Many topic sentences are descriptive or list-like rather than argumentative. Each paragraph should begin with a claim that directly supports the thesis. Example: 'Corruption suppresses growth chiefly through distorted public investment and rent-seeking.'
Supporting Evidence
Evidence is inconsistently sourced and often lacks specificity (years, currency, datasets). Adopt a consistent citation approach and ensure each claim has clearly attributed, recent data or authoritative analysis.
Logical Flow
There is a broad movement from impacts to causes to solutions, but transitions between points are abrupt and causal links are sometimes unsubstantiated. Use signposting and explicit causal connectors; ensure each paragraph ends by tying back to the thesis.
Paragraph Coherence
Several paragraphs combine multiple themes (inflation, crime, CPI) without full development of any single idea. Focus each paragraph on one mechanism, develop it with evidence, and conclude with a mini-synthesis sentence.

Content Quality

Relevance to Topic
The essay remains on the subject of corruption and its societal impacts.
Depth of Analysis
Analysis is shallow in places, favoring assertion over mechanism. Deepen by explaining 'how' and 'why' (e.g., procurement kickbacks → fiscal leakage → underinvestment).
Use of Examples
Examples are attempted (CPI rank, pending cases), but they are often vague or incompletely cited. Provide concrete case studies (e.g., specific procurement scandals, sectoral audits).
Critical Thinking
The essay lacks counterarguments and comparative reasoning. Incorporate a brief counterpoint (e.g., capacity constraints) and show why corruption remains the prime driver.

Evidence & Citations

Factual Accuracy
Some figures are plausible but unsourced; others may be inaccurate or unclear (e.g., '8.5 trillion'). Verify and correct with current, authoritative data.
Source Credibility
Credible institutions are mentioned, but without sufficient detail. Use official reports (TI CPI, NAB annual reports, PBS datasets) and include publication years.
Proper Citations
No formal citation style is used. Even in an exam, include abbreviated in-text references (e.g., TI, 2022) and name the report.
Statistical Data
Attempts at statistics exist but require units, time frames, and currency. Add at least 2–3 robust, recent statistics aligned with each major claim.

Conclusion

Summary of Arguments
Restates the problem and recommendations but does not succinctly recap the main argumentative pillars. Start with a two-sentence synthesis of the strongest points.
Policy Recommendations
Multiple actionable recommendations are provided (digitization, judicial reforms). They would benefit from prioritization and feasibility notes.
Future Implications
Mentions a better future but lacks concrete implications (e.g., projected gains from anti-corruption measures). Add a realistic outlook or benchmark.
Strong Closing
Closing sentiment is present but weakened by diction issues. Sharpen phrasing and ensure the final sentence affirms the thesis.

Overall Feedback

Evaluation workflow checklist: - Read for macro-structure (thesis–body–conclusion) and alignment with prompt. - Diagnose grammar, punctuation, and sentence-level clarity. - Assess argument coherence and mechanism-based reasoning. - Verify evidence, sources, and citation completeness. - Evaluate organization, paragraph focus, and transitions. - Review conclusion for synthesis and closure. Overall, your essay is ambitious in scope and covers multiple domains affected by corruption, with an outline that reflects a causes–impacts–solutions logic. To meet CSS standards, prioritize a precise thesis, mechanism-based analysis, and properly sourced evidence. At the sentence level, eliminate fragments/run-ons, fix hyphenation and agreement errors, and replace colloquialisms and clichés with precise academic diction. Reorganize body paragraphs around clear, argumentative topic sentences, and ensure the conclusion synthesizes rather than introduces new material.

Improvement Priorities:

  • State a precise, arguable thesis and align topic sentences to it.
  • Replace assertions with mechanism-based analysis supported by specific, credible, and cited evidence.
  • Revise sentence-level errors: fragments, comma splices, agreement, and hyphenation.
  • Standardize citation practice and quantify claims with currency, units, and dates.
  • Streamline vocabulary: remove clichĂ©s/colloquialisms; use precise academic terms.
  • Restructure paragraphs to maintain single-idea focus and explicit links back to the thesis.

Topic Analysis

Addresses Topic: Yes
Analysis: The essay discusses corruption's pervasive impact across economic, institutional, and social spheres, aligned with the prompt. However, it does not thoroughly justify the superlative claim 'mother of all evils' through comparative analysis against other systemic drivers (e.g., weak capacity, conflict, external shocks).
Understanding Complexity: The essay recognizes multiple causal strands (accountability deficits, political instability, judicial delays) but underdevelops the interplay between them (e.g., how instability undermines reforms, which perpetuates impunity). Absent are layered mechanisms (rent-seeking in procurement, regulatory capture) and the feedback loops that solidify corruption.

Suggestions:

  • Define 'mother of all evils' operationally—e.g., show corruption as the primary node in a causal network that generates secondary harms (crime, inequality, service failure).
  • Introduce at least one counter-driver and explain why corruption remains primary (e.g., compare effect sizes or persistence).
  • Provide one sectoral mini-case (health procurement or policing) tracing the chain from corrupt act to societal harm.